What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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