My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
