Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
