dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You can't just leave with hair like that
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
