Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
