no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
