Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I have aggressive nipples.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
