I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize