It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
