ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
BRING THE BAGELS
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He? As in you personified your dick?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
