yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
