3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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