He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
