How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
