Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
