So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Come see our sink grown plant.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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