i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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