What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize