I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
