I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
