Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
