the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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