I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
