dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
