If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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