She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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