we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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