Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize