lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
