bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
