Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
