It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize