im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
