I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
