The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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