I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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