when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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