id be glad to
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
