he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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