i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize