omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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