Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
