could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
