No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize