Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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