I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
