I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
