i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
