im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
