her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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