I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
