hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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