I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
