All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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