I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
