Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
