Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
