bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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