I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
