Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
