Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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