Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
