i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
