I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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