Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
