two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
