i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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