These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
