Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
