I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
