he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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