its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
