I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
