I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
