u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
