we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
