I think I won the penis lottery.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
