Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
