just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize