when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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