There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
