I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize