We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
