Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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