that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
