Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
