no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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