dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
