It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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