My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I want to be your penis for a week.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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