Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
