I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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