walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you inspire me to be a worse person
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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