Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can't turn off my feet"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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