Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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