I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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