i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
