what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
