yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
