So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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