I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
