thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
