ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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