wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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